Gratitude on this Memorial Day
To my late friend, Julian, thank you.
To the many family members and friends that have served and are serving, thank you.
For those of us that know your absence on a day to day basis, Memorial Day is not just a day to say thank you. We thank you every day that you’re gone, every day that you’re back, and every day in between. We worry during the days of your absence when nothing is certain, we sigh great sighs of relief when you finally returned, and we long and grieve for you when/if the permanency of that absence IS certain.
There is little more to say today, save for the acknowledgement that the path of the warrior—regardless of whether or not we agree with its motivations and intentions—is a brave one with high risk.
Bursting at the seams
I don’t often stray from my usual posts on the media, technology or any of the other schlock that gets my brain turning, but Memorial Day weekend is a little different for me this year. In September of last year, I wrote about a friend who I’d recently learnt lost his life fighting in Afghanistan. The news was devastating and even eight months later, his absence remains a tender spot in my life. The world is a lesser place without him in it.
Sometimes I think we become so invested in what we feel we should do (which is oft what we have devoted X-amount of time to) that we forget the original dream. We sacrifice our true self in order to pacify the status quo, to satisfy the external expectations of us -instead of listening to our expectations for ourselves. Julian left what a lot of people would consider “The Dream”. He was a stage actor before he was a soldier and a damn good one. In a conversation we had a few months prior to his deployment, however, he explained that it was just something that he’d wanted to do for a long time. He was so wholly devoted and determined to embrace what he felt was his true nature that despite objections, he went for it. Even knowing the potential end result, he still went for it.
Too many people don’t go for it. Fear keeps them from the possibility of feeling so overjoyed that they burst at the seams. Fear allows them to wish and wonder in the in-between, without commitment to any one thing in life. I acknowledge that risking your life to fight for your country’s freedom (or whatever it is that we’re fighting for) is not quite the same as going balls-out after what may seem like an impractical dream, but disallowing fear to stand in your way when you pursue whatever is of importance to who you are is the same -no matter what you’re climbing toward.
None of this necessarily eases the worry or makes the hole left in Julian’s absence any smaller, but it serves as a reminder of what we all should be doing. One never knows to what extent the way you live you life will affect those around you the world over.
No One Wins in War
I still remember where I was the day that the WTC in NYC was attacked eight years ago -it’s a memory forever imprinted in the attic of my mind. I remember hearing my housemates chattering upstairs in a commotion. We sat on the sofa for hours that day -ultimately seeing the second plane hit and witnessing the fall of both towers. I was supposed to work in the afternoon only to find the city streets and store abandoned. I recall the start of the war and the way fear gnawed at my heart when my brother announced that he’d joined the army a couple of years later.
The entire country has waited over the last couple of weeks for President Obama’s decision about sending more troops to Afghanistan. One cousin finally came home just in time for the holidays from his third tour of duty. His younger brother will be shipped out sooner than later now -likely before the end of the year. Another is heading there in April, after having spent the last two years training with the Marines. I watched the President’s address last night with mixed feelings. How do we support our friends and family when we do not support this war? Fighting violence with violence does not equate to attaining peace -it does not work that way. I understand why the wars began and I understand why we cannot simply withdraw all of the troops all at once. I understand that we have to clean up the mess that we created. My problem lies in the continued statement about needing more troops to win the war.
No one wins in war. I’m so tired of hearing all of these politicians -including our President- go on and on about what it will take to win this and win the “war on terrorism and extremism”. So we ended the lives of several high-ranking politicians and/or terrorists -big deal. Ending those lives came at the cost of the lives of thousands of Americans, Britons, Iraqis, Afghanis, and countless others. Ending those lives came at the cost of the lives of those left behind -regardless of whether they live in the Middle East or in the west. I was disgusted by Obama’s remarks pertaining to the differences between the Vietnam War and this war. I was not alive during the Vietnam War, but his comments came across as defensive and avoidant. Regardless of the actual commonalities between the Vietnam War and this war, too many people feel this battle has become an act of futility. Does anyone remember the original objective? We were supposed to be going after Osama bin Laden and more than eight years later, we’re still running around chasing what seems to be a straw man. Why are we really still there? What denotes a winner in this war? If we magically locate and end the life of bin Laden, will that mean that the war is over? Will that fulfill the main objective or will we continue to occupy the country for X more years?
I want to support my friends and family serving this country and I do support them. I understand why they enlisted and why they are willing to give their lives for this country. However, I don’t feel like there is a productive reason for us to remain in this war. Fighting terrorism is too broad and too general a goal in this matter and equates to fighting for the sake of fighting because we somehow have nothing better to do with our resources and the priceless lives of our people.
What are we fighting for?
No poetic reflection or pointed commentary on the ongoing war and aftermath of 9/11 can do justice the sense of loss that I feel today. Late this morning, I found out that my wonderful friend, Julian, was killed in Afghanistan by a roadside bomb. Julian and I met through our mutual interests in film -he an actor and me a director/producer. He was this funny, beautiful person always ready with a smile and an open-heart. I remember emailing him when I heard that he’d gone off and joined the Marines and he said that it was something he felt he had to do and had wanted to do for a long time. How can you not respect that?
So now, here we are a couple of years later. It’s surreal. I see the pictures of his headstone in Arlington National Cemetery and I can’t get my head wrapped around it. It seems like it was just yesterday when we were sharing conversations about Martha Stewart and projects over Clementines in the middle of winter. The same question keeps running through my head: What did he die for? I’m sad and shocked and angry right now. What on earth did this precious boy die for?
