All Apologies

My life has had to become very quiet over the last few months.

No shows. No yoga. Almost no music or writing. At all. 

Shortly before Labor Day of last year, the universe decided to send me a little gift-wrapped package that I didn’t know how to deal with and inside that little box was/is the possibility of MS. I’ve become a “Dr. House” patient for the moment, so I sit in the dark. Waiting. There are those that have been supportive and understanding and too many more that have not been, including two employers and a yoga community that I was a part of for the last eight years. I am grateful to the ones that have stuck around. 

Still, darkness is as darkness does. Being that choosing to leave my house isn’t something I’m wont to do lately, I’ve sought out stories and soundtracks to other people’s lives in order to go somewhere, anywhere else that wasn’t here. Perhaps we all need a vacation from our own lives and what better way then to crack open a book. I’ve ridden along with a British spy in Africa in both the 40s and the late 60s, relived the Paris I dreamt of as a child, and had a good long conversation with an aging Brit about the illusion of memory’s impermeability. The internet and films have also proved a worthy distraction when face to face interaction has been too daunting. 

What this has also amounted to, however, is the inability to function in my own life. No amount of good tunes or books or internet distractions (or for that matter, anything) has eased the fact that my balance is shot, I can’t feel my feet, and I just haven’t felt like myself in months. Even trolling for music—I love discovering new songs or albums to color my personal soundtrack—has become impossible.

For now, until life lightens up, the words of others will tell the story. Obviously, if you don’t automatically recognize where “All Apologies” comes from, you missed a most-epic period in music.

Google it. Seriously. There was music before all of this rehashed, hipster synth-pop.

4 Notes/ Hide

  1. coffee-and-ink said: So sorry to hear about this. Hang in there Sal. If you do feel like some human interaction, I’m around.
  2. salchrist posted this